Step Right Up!

The "Mystery Number Contest" has been augmented as a result of
increased moral decay in the fabric of our society.

It's like this: I had this "Guess The Mystery Number and WIN FREE MUSIC" thing going. And yes, people we're guessing...they were guessing all right. I gave so much free music away it ain't funny. So the bank called and said I was running out of money and could I stop giving music away. I said: "Okay". I was lying. Lying to a bank is OK. Lying to website visitors?? NEVER!! So, I have come up with a shrewd compromise: Submit THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD OR SEEN. If your submission is truly among the stupidest, then you will be notified to take possession of FREE WOZNY MUSIC. In addition, the Stupidest Things that earn anyone FREE WOZNY MUSIC will be posted on THIS PAGE forever...or at least until I change my name to Gomer Custer (which I have no immediate plans to do). You can still try guessing the mystery number to WIN FREE STUPID BUMPERSTICKERS though (while supplies last). The bank hasn't caught on to that scam yet. Give us your thoughts and complaints as well. I always enjoy those.

(sorry, but FREE STUFF available to those in the continental United States only . . . postage sucks.)

1.
Guess the MYSTERY NUMBER
and WIN
FREE Stupid BUMPERSTICKERS.

CLUES:
  • Start with the number "12345"
  • Add three to the first digit
  • Add one to the 1st, 3rd and 5th digit
  • subtract three from every odd digit
  • subtract two from every digit greater than three
  • Divide the last digit in half
  • Now, add two to every digit greater than two
Enter your guess into this field:
After you have entered your guess in the field above click on the "Submit Entry" button below to submit your guess.
If your guess is correct, we will e-mail you an Internet address where you can claim your prize...
...if you want to call it that.
FREE Stupid Bumperstickers.
Put them on your tires.
  Put them on your friends.
    Put them on your trash--we don't care.
2.
Get FREE woznymusic.

Go ahead. Browse the site to see what you could get.
Check out the audio clips. Delve into the minutia of the three WIN-able musical selections:

BEST OF OLD STUFF
MULE FOOD
WORLD OF HURT

All you have to do is:

SUBMIT THE STUPIDEST THING
YOU'VE EVER HEARD OR SEEN.

If it is deemed by an esteemed panel of cretins that your submission truly is unusually stupid, not only will you get FREE WOZNYMUSIC, but... your tale of stupidity will be posted on THIS page forever (or until a woman who smells like Morey Amsterdam approaches me in a crowd and rubs shellac over the bottom of my left shoe and hands me a croquet mallet once used by someone famous).

Don't forget to include your email.
That would be stupid, but not enough so to win.

Leave us your e-mail address

SORRY... WINMUSIC CLOSED DUE TO SPAMMERS!

"Not a man alive
Has so much luck that he can play with it"
-WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS, The Land Of Heart's Desire (1894).

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